In order to enjoy sex, you need to feel okay about getting wet and slobbery. That's because sex is a wet adventure, an erotic monsoon of sorts. Body fluids get sloshed around during sexual encounters. Some of these fluids, like ejaculate, arrive abruptly, while others, like saliva, sweat and sexual lubrication are usually more constant in flow. Menstrual fluids can double as sex fluids (see "Sex During Your Period," pages 517-526), and you will probably want to add lube if you use condoms, no matter how wet a girl gets.
Sex fluids mean different things to different people. For instance, one woman might find it wonderful when she makes her lover ejaculate. It leaves her feeling valued and powerful. Another woman might find her boyfriend's ejaculate to be a sticky mess that she would rather not have to deal with.
Men usually welcome women's sexual wetness, although there are exceptions. For instance, the author of this book can remember a conversation from his freshman year of high school with a fellow member of the track team who had just felt up a woman for the first time. The young man described "it" as being wet, sticky, and yuckie. He indicated that "her thing" accommodated nearly half his arm. Considering this was a farm town, it seems likely that the woman in question may have had udders and a bell around her neck.
Some young men who ejaculate for the first couple of times worry they might have broken something inside. Proper education about masturbation and wet dreams can help alleviate most of these fears. Prior to puberty, males who masturbate might produce a few drops of clear fluid that's like pre-cum. After puberty it becomes white and there is between a teaspoonful or two. Whatever his age, it might be nice if a young man were taught to respect his own ejaculate as the catalyst for new life as well as a sign of his sexual maturity and pleasure—all being good things that should bring pride as well as new levels of responsibility.
As for women's feelings about their own sexual wetness, most seem to enjoy it. However, young women who don't understand their body's sexual response may feel uncomfortable if they suddenly find themselves getting wet while in the middle of a meeting at work.
Researchers have come up with fascinating observations about semen absorption and mood in women. They found that women whose partners did not use condoms scored lower on tests for depression than women whose partners did use condoms. This has led them to believe that hormones in semen are absorbed into the women's bodies through the vagina, and that those hormones have an anti-depressive or a possible mood-elevating effect.
We know that hormones are absorbed through the walls of the vagina. This is what makes the birth control method NuvaRing work. We also know that components in semen can be found in a women's bloodstream hours after intercourse. But we didn't know that the hormones in semen might act as antidepressants. Semen contains estrogen, testosterone, follicular stimulating hormone, luteinizing hormone, prolactin and prostaglandins.
The authors of this study wisely looked for other factors that could explain the differences in depression, such as the length of the relationships, birth-control pill use, not being in a relationship vs. being in a relationship, and high-risk behavior vs. low-risk behavior. None of these could explain the differences in the women's depression. All roads led to semen in the vagina.
Could this be an unconscious factor in why so many women don't insist that their partners use condoms, when it would otherwise make sense?
(Continued in the book)
