There's one way that dogs do it, and one way that sheep do it. This is also true for elephants, lemurs and wildebeests. Unicorns need to be extra-careful when it comes to oral sex, and the female praying mantis eats her male sex partners—to death.
The animal with the greatest potential for a varied sex life is the human. Human brains are beefier, which means that our minds have extra room for thoughts about sex. But when it comes to putting those thoughts and feelings into words, all bets are off. The human brain is often useless.
This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't the only animals who do our sex indoors and in private. We could watch our neighbors do it, and have plenty of clues about what to do ourselves. Instead, getting it on can be a mystery.
The upcoming chapters attempt to shed light on the how-to part of that mystery. They describe tips and techniques for giving your partner monster amounts of pleasure. Hopefully you will find these techniques useful. But first, it might be a good idea to mention a few things about what makes sex good, and how to talk to your partner about those things.
Author Julia Hutton interviewed eighty people to find out how each
person defined "Good Sex." Needless to say, she got eighty different answers. According to Ms. Hutton, "The interviews suggest that sexual savvy depends less upon how-tos than on self-knowledge, which evolves slowly, awkwardly and through many different routes." In other words, how to will only get you so far when you should be asking how come.
Also, people usually assume that if both partners are sexually amped, then all they need to do is get naked and good sex will follow. If only it were that easy. Consider the following quote from a 29-year-old kindergarten teacher (Chris is her husband):
"With Chris, I like having him in me, that warm good feeling. I've discovered I can ask for what I like, that there's nothing wrong with wanting your nipples pulled taut. I've learned that keeping a vibrator by the bed is not a crime. I've learned that Chris can come, and then I can come, and we can both enjoy watching each other come—as opposed to having this simultaneous orgasm that's supposed to move the world. If we have intercourse that's fine, if we don't that's fine. Sometimes we come home weary from work and it's: what do you want? Do you want to masturbate? Do you think you can focus enough for intercourse? It's negotiation, which I never thought it would be. I always thought it would be this mystic experience, but it's become a verbal experience." —From Julia Hutton's Good Sex, Cleis Press (1992.)
While some couples have good sex from the start, other couples take months and sometimes years to find a satisfying groove. Most couples report that their sexual desire for each other waxes and wanes, although sometimes it just wanes.
(Continued in the book)
